Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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