M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
