What did we do last night that was yellow?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
