Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize