I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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