Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
