You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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