i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
