Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
