I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize