he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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