I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
