omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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