So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
