sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
