I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
