So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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