She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
