remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
