I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
