Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
