i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
