And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
