If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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