doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
