my sisters under your porch take her home
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
