Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
