just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
