my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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