Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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