Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
