So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The beers last night were like the tears from god
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
