go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
