Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
