I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
