Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
