i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
