I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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