Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
