She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
