Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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