thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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