Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
