it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
