Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
