You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
