I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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