Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
