so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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