i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
