Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
