butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
