Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
