i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
