I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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