I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
