And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My dad is sitting where you rode me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
