Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ketchup is God's man juice
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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