"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My dick has a subreddit
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
