I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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